What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is an incident, or pattern of incidents, of behaviour that is:

• controlling
• coercive
• threatening
• degrading
• abusive
• violent, including sexually violent.

It is carried out by a partner, an ex-partner, a family member, or a carer, and relates to one adult causing harm to another adult. An adult is defined as someone over 16-years-old. It takes place in all parts of our communities.

Anyone can experience domestic abuse regardless of:

• gender
• sexuality
• race, religion
• disability
• age
• culture.

Children and young people can be affected by the abuse they see and hear, and they can be hurt or bullied as part of the abuse between adults. Children who witness domestic abuse, or who are part of a household where abuse occurs, are classed as victims. This is regardless of whether they are present during abuse incidents. Young people may also experience abuse from their own partners or friends.

Domestic abuse is a serious and widespread problem, although it is often hidden.

If you are over 16-years-old, our supporting adults service can help.

If you are younger than 16-years-old, our support for children and young people service can help.

Types of abuse

Domestic abuse can take many forms. It is rarely exclusively physical violence. It is important to understand what domestic abuse is so you can recognise whether you are being abused, or whether you are being abusive to others.

Some examples of the many types of abuse are listed below:

Non-fatal strangulation

Strangulation is where there is pressure on the neck. This pressure leads to the blood vessels, and sometimes the airways (windpipe), in the neck being squashed. This results in less oxygen getting to the brain.

People can be strangled in different ways:

• by a hand or hands on the neck
• being put in a headlock
• by something wrapped tight around the neck, like a scarf, belt or rope.

Strangulation is serious and there is no safe way to be strangled. There is a risk to life every time it is done. Whether you have been strangled once or one hundred times, whether it was today or many years ago, it is never too late to speak to someone.

More information on symptoms, and what to do, is available on the Institute For Addressing Strangulation (IFAS):

The information is available in other languages on the Institute For Addressing Strangulation website.

Honour-based violence (HBV)

Honour-based violence is a crime or incident committed to protect or defend the 'honour' of a family or community. If your family or community think you've shamed or embarrassed them by behaving in a certain way, they may punish you for breaking their 'honour' code.

Honour based violence is domestic abuse usually committed by men towards women. Women are punished for ‘bringing shame' on the family by not following rules that have been set, usually by the men of the family.

Honour based violence may be committed because a woman:

• has a boyfriend or a same-sex partner
• has rejected a forced marriage
• is pregnant outside of marriage
• has a relationship with someone from another faith
• asks for a divorce
• dresses in a way her partner or husband considers inappropriate.

There are organisations that can help you if you're experiencing honour-based violence:

Forced marriage

Forced marriage is a form of domestic violence and abuse. It happens when you force a victim to marry someone when they do not consent. You may make demands that the victim accepts the marriage proposal through physical, mental or emotional pressure and violence. 

Parents who force their children to marry often justify their behaviour as protecting their children, building stronger families and preserving cultural or religious traditions. However, forced marriage cannot be justified on religious grounds and forcing someone to marry against their will is wrong.

Male victims

If you are a man suffering from domestic abuse you are not alone. It is estimated 1 in 7 males will be victims of domestic abuse at some point in their lives. For local advice and support:

LGBT+

Galop, the leading support service for LGBT+ people who have experienced abuse and violence, say that LGBT+ people may be manipulated into believing that there is no help available to them because they are LGBT+. They may also be told that abusive behaviours are ‘normal’ in LGBT+ relationships, or that LGBT+ cannot experience domestic abuse.

Examples of domestic abuse that can be based on orientation or gender identity include:

• threatening to disclose romantic or sexual orientation, gender identity, gender history, or HIV status without consent 
• coercive and controlling behaviour around romantic or sexual orientation and/or gender identity
• pressuring to keep identity or relationship secret
• denying that LGBT+ people in intimate relationships can experience domestic abuse
• isolating from family, friends, and the LGBT+ community
• undermining romantic or sexual orientation and/or gender identity
• using hormones or gender-affirming medication to control
• trying to change or suppress someone's orientation or gender identity.

LGBT+ people experiencing domestic abuse might feel that domestic abuse services are not for them or may not understand what has happened to them. DVAP support anyone, regardless or sexual orientation, gender or identity.

Galop run the National helpline for LGBT+ victims and survivors:

Pets

Someone fleeing domestic abuse often has to leave everything behind, including their pet. It's common for perpetrators to target pets as a form of control, often threatening to harm them if their partner tries to leave. Unfortunately, many refuges simply can’t accept companion pets, so they stay and remain at risk of abuse.

Cats

Cats Protection Lifeline supports cats, and their families, to get away from abuse. They provide a temporary foster home for cats, until their owners are able to take them back safely.

Dogs

The Freedom Project is a specialist dog fostering service for survivors of domestic abuse.